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Home and Away Review: Colby squeezes every last drop of juice out of Taylor’s trust

Ziggy is fresh out of the arms of one bad boy and into another — specifically Tane’s enormous appendages.

Ziggy and Willow have been gone for days disposing of Tane’s dodgy drug-filled van but all their hard work is about to be undone because they didn’t know it was full of drugs and the baddies want their drugs back.

Willow probably knows a guy for that too.

Tane is out of hospital — he discharged himself (of course) against the doctors’ advice — and the baddies threaten to go after his family if he doesn’t give them $25,000.

Naturally Zigyy isn’t happy to see him and she’s even angrier upon hearing the news about the drugs and that her life could be in grave danger.

“Are the people that bashed you going to come after me?” Ziggy asks Tane.

He reassures her that he’s going to take care of everything — which isn’t very reassuring — and Ziggy is off the hook.

The big questions is exactly where Tane is going to get that kind of money from?

There’s no money in the no-so-secret hidey spot but money does seem to be a magical kind of currency in the land of Home and Away where no one ever goes to work but can afford smashed avo for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So who knows, maybe he’ll luck out.

Next up is the Colby, Taylor and Angelo saga.

It’s been ramping up to this moment but it wasn’t as great as I anticipated.

Camera IconTaylor: easily tricked and manipulated. Credit: Channel 7

Last night Angelo told Bella that he knew everything and Bella doesn’t waste time filling Colby in on the latest.

He’s so cocky, he thinks Angelo is bluffing.

“I’m going to stay ahead of this little game of his,” Colby says.

Colby squeezes every last drop of juice out of Taylor before it’s too late and gets her to take the key to Angelo’s locked draw where he keeps his important highlighted documents.

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Meanwhile Bella isn’t happy that Colby has gone back to Taylor again and now accepts Nikau’s proposal of sorts to move to New Zealand.

So it’s back on!

“Colby’s made his choice and I’ve made mine,” Bella says to Nikau. “I’m coming to New Zealand with you.”

Back at the station, Taylor is loitering until Angelo’s guard is down so she can steal his key.

Colby breaks into Angelo’s office and his worst nightmares are confirmed. Angelo is all over their affair.

Anglo catches Colby red handed snooping through his office and they have it out.

Colby claims he’s really in love but Anglo sees right through and knows Colby is taking advantage of her to get info about the case.

Where does Colby get all his ego from?

Taylor is standing outside the office while this rather loud encounter is going on and now it’s her turn.

The weirdest bit is that Angelo really doesn’t have a care in the world about his wife.

…I might have spoken a too soon. After some minutes the yelling beings.

But Taylor still doesn’t buy into it and thinks Colby really loves her.

But Angelo digs deep and finds the insults.

“You’re sleeping with a murderer,” Angelo says to her.

Camera IconI really do excel at taking terribly awkward screen grabs. Credit: Channel 7

“I cannot believe I ever loved you,” she says.

Colby and Taylor find each other immediately and start to put the pieces together. I stress the word start.

“It’s like he knew I’d be at the office,” Colby ponders.

Colby stares at the necklace…nothing.

They continue worrying.

He stares at it again and finally Colby figures it out and throws it into the ocean.

Back on Angelo’s end it makes that white noise sound so we know for sure that his Intel method is bust.

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Then Taylor tells Colby he’s a crumb but I expected more from her since he has ruined her life for his own personal gain, but I don’t even recall seeing tears.

“You’ve been using me right from the start,” Taylor says.

Well yeah we all knew that.

Roo is home but Owen Daddo is nowhere to be seen.

If Owen has done a runner I will be so upset although it hardly comes as a shock because his actions have been far from exemplary so far.

Camera IconI will kill that Owen Daddo if he has done something to Roo. Credit: Channel 7

Roo is vague and says she doesn’t know where he is and we’re left in the lurch for about an hour until she drops the happy charade and makes it very clear that Owen has broken her heart.

Martha and Alf also return from their journeys and Roo eventually confirms the break up and reiterates that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“It didn’t work out between us and it’s over,” Roo says.

I know that Daddo only had a guest role but between nearly falling for Roo, dying, coming back from the dead as someone else and just days later also falling in love with Roo, I expected more of a grand exit.

Onto Dean who is fuming because Colby ruined his life when he was forced to return his stolen son and also the whole murder thing.

Camera IconDean having another rough day. Credit: Channel 7

“I have lost everything, everything because of him,” Dean tells Willow.

“Colby can rot in hell.”

This is literally music to my ears.

Dean and Amber have yet another custody talk but it really seems like they’ve sorted it out this time and place all the blame on her cretin of a mother, Franny.

It all seems very amicable but Willow thinks something is fishy because Amber said she was taking Jai to school but he wasn’t wearing a school uniform.

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Camera IconAmber is nice for once. Credit: Channel 7

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jai in a school uniform let alone at school so spelling it out on this occasion is very much appreciated.

“Amber was being too nice,” Willow says.

They think Amber is going to run away with Jai for good.

Dean ignores Willow’s advice and speeds over to Amber’s house to find they have packed up and gone… quite possibly because Jai isn’t Dean’s child to start with?

The humanity!

But that thought hasn’t crossed Dean’s no foresight brain.

So now he’s double heartbroken — no son and no girlfriend.

Amber blames the “toxic” environment between Franny and Dean for doing a runner.

The entire time I’m waiting for Amber to confess that Dean isn’t the father, but alas I am disappointed again.

“I’m back where I started. A drop-kick with nothing,” he says to his friends who pick that exact moment not to say anything. Thank you scriptwriters.

Finally Budget McDreamy aka Christian gets a good look at Tori doing a spot of beach yoga.

He really outdoes himself with the outfit. At the beach in a jacket. Are we really supposed to believe that he’s just been for a swim, in already dry and popped a jacket on?

Camera IconA JACKET at the beach. C’mon Budget McDreamy. Credit: Channel 7

They do the “cobra” and even I can do that because it’s basically lying down and having a relax which happens to be something I’m very, very good at.

Then they head back to Tori’s house and play happy families with baby Gracie.

She’s a terrible cook but in her defence her brother is a gourmet chef. This is news to me. There must be another brother that isn’t Justin.

But it comes to a screeching halt when Justin’s condition worsens. Luckily for him two of the most amazing doctors in the world are there to save the day.

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